Liberating rage

I randomly clicked on a Substack post by Emily North called Angel Cake the other day and was thoroughly entertained by her description of her recent bad day. She described being in a shitty mood in a bodega and continued to write a list of why she was pissed off, and in a strange way, it felt so incredibly liberating.

I have been doing a lot of deep diving lately, and I have recognized that I have quite a bit of repressed anger lying under the surface. I have learned that what lies underneath anger is sadness, so I usually just skip feeling angry and jump right to being sad. But the texture of anger is different, the woman inside has different things to say. I actually find it an empowering feeling, but equally overwhelming. Anger is also not a socially accepted feeling, and it tends to make others uncomfortable and scared. So how do we handle our anger? I’ve been meaning to find a healthy way to feel and accept it.

Emily’s list of reasons for being pissed off made them seem harmless. Her approach to anger was funny, and I understood that they didn’t have to be taken so seriously. She even described meeting the guy behind the counter at the bodega with “a frown that would make and grown man shiver” and he just laughed and said she looked angry and cute. She burst into a smile. I think laughter has an easier way of penetrating anger than sadness, it is sharp, sizzling and difficult to hold over time. Sadness can be like a giant warm teddy bear wanting to hug you until you die.

As a writer, I am motivated by many things, but I have discovered that creating space for others to feel what they need is an important one. I think that’s why my first collection of poetry, Meditations on Loneliness, speaks to people. So maybe this is what Emily’s newsletter did for me when she ranted on about the blisters on her feet, people telling her they’re “not political” and her uneven sunburn. It felt like I was allowed to rant as well, and I felt inspired to write my own list, getting fury on to paper and maybe leaving my head less occupied. She inspired me to use my anger in my writing, transforming it into something cathartic. I you know me well, you know that this is where I blossom.

So in an attempt to normalize being pissed off, I might pursue the occasional rant. I have one ready, bubbling under the surface for those who have seen The Materialist in the cinema:



(If you haven’t seen it yet and are planning to, LOOK AWAY!)

I am quite torn. I sat down in the theatre ready to hate it, because of the critique it has received, though I sincerely wanted to be wrong. I love Celine Song’s Past Lives, and would blindly believe I would love her second movie. So, Dakota Johnson is gorgeous in a Hollywood-impossible way, and she also has a pretty flat personality in the film. She meets Pedro Pascal, GORGEOUS and with maybe the most beautiful apartment I have ever seen on film, and I deeply loved watching them date. He brings her humongous flowers and is a true gentleman. When he asks Dakota “do you want to see each other more seriously?” I got goose bumps all over my body and felt an intense desire to be the woman in the seat opposite him. PEDRO!!!! I was curious and intrigued by the events in the movie, and the ending made me gasp and cry.

So I basically had a pretty good time, but as soon as I left the movie, I was showered with the feeling that the message it was sending was so incredibly redundant. “Hey guys, you’ll get bored with the rich, perfect guy if you don’t love him”. I feel like the movie is talking to someone completely dense. Is this a How To for people just beginning to date? The message says that “even if you know a man’s height, salary and social background, you don’t know if you could love him or if he might assault you”. OK? Isn’t that pretty obvious? Big surprise, you have to get to know someone to actually know them! I feel like the movie is trying to say something so obvious, which pisses me off because it seems like they believe us that simpleminded, like the cave people portrayed in the beginning and ending of the film.

There are so many interesting layers they could have worked when it comes to falling in love, choosing a good partner, social appearances and how the grass is always greener where you water it, and they chose the kindergarten version with sock puppets. But putting Pedro Pascal in a tux … Genius.

Is it worth watching in the cinema? Not really. It’s more like a movie you watch when you’re hung over and want to forget the terrible decisions you made last night while eating borderline acceptable takeout.

I sense a new personality coming about … Should I rant about another movie? Let me know in the comments!

— Pernille

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